A Mishmash of Magical Manifestations, YES!! (and my music is now on Pandora!!)

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Right now, I’m feeling like a butterfly <3 A sparkling one with shimmery iridescent wings. And I feel like I want to dust my shine onto every living thing! (You may as well call me Tinkerbell, you can start now)

Though it’s taken a little more than a few steps to get here. However, I do know that this feeling will last but a few moments in time, and I will have the honor of going through all the other states of being again, that I’m learning to embrace. Yes, even the icky ones! The icky ones are what make the pretty ones even sweeter, yes? And they are also the ones that allow me to feel sorry for myself once in a while, and just sit on the couch watching trashy TV for an evening, guilt free – I mean, what ELSE am I supposed to do, I feel CRAPPY!

I’ve been experimenting with the art of manifesting, and learning a thing or two. It’s pretty enchanting, I must say. I don’t have the answers, but I can tell you a little something about how it’s played in my life recently.

Sometimes I make goals and push forward to make them happen, no matter what. Sometimes I specifically go for something BECAUSE it’s terrifying, and the fear is the indicator that it’s what I’m to shoot for. And sometimes I just simply ask.

And through it all, I know that what’ll happen will happen. If I did my part, then all I can do is wait and see. And I know that things happen in their own time, when the time is right. And sometimes when they don’t happen right away, then I’m to learn some big lessons during the waiting period. And if they don’t happen at all, they weren’t meant to, and there’s a better path that’s a better fit for me.

Of course it’s difficult when what you want doesn’t happen, but one of my mentors once told me as I was despairing, to not worry because everything is in Divine Order. This thought never fails to bring me comfort.

I’ve always been drawn to NYC. My heart just lives there. It brings me so much joy and fulfillment when I’m there, and when I’m not, my heart longs to be there. External circumstances make it hard for me to just relocate there, but since my heart belongs there, I asked the Universe to give me more opportunities to go there. More excuses. All I did was ask, and now I find my schedule flooded with dates to be there. How magical is that? Ask and receive.

Last year I made my goal of going on a 10 mile hike. This year I upped the number to 12. I printed it clearly on my goals list. Joseph and I happened to be in NYC one day. He ended up acting as my angel, encouraging me to keep going when we hit 7-9 miles. I was tired and said this was not the day I’d walk 12 miles. We ended up walking 13+ miles that day. I made a goal, and pushed through. And the Universe sent me an angel to talk through Joseph to keep encouraging me, truly!

I’m in love with cards and stationary, and love to drop people notes in the mail, to make their day brighter. Since nobody really does that anymore, I asked for more reasons to send pretty cards. I blogged about it, and had the opportunity to write some readers! And I got snail mail back from places including Romania, how exotic!

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I wanted more creativity in my life, so I sought out my favorite writer, Francesca Lia Block, ended up flying to CA and learning from her. It was such a precious experience! I also had a MARVELOUS time in CA! I also was scared to reach out to an amazing music mentor of mine, Tina Shafer, but I did anyway. We had a nice lunch together in the city and I’m so proud that I felt the fear and did it anyway. I will be learning so much more from her in the coming month, and she runs the famous Songwriter’s Circle at The Bitter End!

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I also realize it’s important to thank people for what they do, even if they don’t even know they’ve helped you in some way. On impulse, I wrote an author of a book I read on France. She wrote right back, delighted that I’d written her and sent me 2 books on Tuscany and Istanbul for free! I also wrote a yoga teacher I admire and heard right back, with an offer to help me on my yogic and music path!

I’ve been wanting to go to a Wanderlust yoga & music festival for years now. I decided that I was just going to do it. No excuses. So I did! Had an amazing time, met and studied with teachers I admire such as Rodney Yee, Colleen Saidman, and Seane Corn! And learned that I have another calling that may happen more in the future – to incorporate yoga into my musical world, somehow.

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I wanted the new, kind of pricey book written about the Wanderlust yoga festivals, and found one lone copy at Strand books in NYC, for half off! Of course I snatched that right off the shelf!

And lastly, and the one that makes me the most giddy today – MY MUSIC GOT ACCEPTED TO PANDORA RADIO!!!!! First, I LOVE Pandora!! It’s absolutely wonderful, and I’m so honored to be an official artist on there now. It’s a huge milestone for me. And second, it’s really about time! My album was released in 2011, and to tell you that it’s been a long wait is an understatement.

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But now, as I’m actually getting ready to record some new tunes in the near future, I finally get rewarded for the work I put in several years ago. This is a classic example of something happening in the right time. Yes, I didn’t understand why things didn’t happen for me closer to the release date. But as I look back, I know there were so many things I had to learn before I could move on. So many life lessons. I truly needed this learning period.

I have not stopped trying to manifest things, and probably will never stop. I’m looking to create more this summer, and starting to think of some big, scary moves in the future, too. But it’s all so exciting as well as rewarding, and I’m looking forward to seeing what life has in store for me! Or maybe I should say, I’m excited to see what more I will make of my life.

When you want something, you just kind of have to go for it. And if it doesn’t happen, maybe it wasn’t meant to, or maybe there’s something better waiting. And remember, when in despair, think of what my mentor told me, that everything is in Divine Order <3

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin

Song Portrait: Blue Eyes (Plus a Lyric Video for it!!)

“Blue Eyes”, track #9 on my album, how did this song come about?

Well, there is that funky chord my music professor at the time gave me, and for homework he told me to write a song that involved it.

And there is that blue eyed guy I met at a wedding – I sang a song during it, he noticed me, and later he was dancing, and I noticed him. And then we got married.

But I’m skipping a few details here, just a few.

A psychic once told me that I would meet my next love interest at the end of a calendar year. He would be of average height and build, and he wore nice clothes (“grown up” clothes, was my interpretation!) to work. She said she just saw us dancing away, and that he had blue eyes.

When my friend invited me to her wedding in December, and I was dancing with a blue eyed guy during it, I didn’t think anything of it. I guess I couldn’t really tell if his eyes were blue because he was too shy to talk to me.

But a couple of months later when the same friend invited me back to her town to hang out, we met up with the blue eyed guy and it was then that I was able to get to know him. We had a lot of fun hanging out, and this time he was not too shy to talk to me. I learned that yes he is shy, but when he starts talking, particularly about a single thing that may peak his interest at the moment, he can keep talking!

I ended up in his car on the way to a comedy show, and talk about what peaked his interest at that moment, he did. He talked about how he had a cold and about his Comtrex (cold medicine)! And oh my god, he even SHOWED ME THE BOX!! And I thought wow, this is NOT the typical smooth talking guy 😀 And THIS is what drew me, how funny is that? This is when I knew there was something about him. It was that he seemed to truly care about me as a breathing human being, not because I sang nice or he liked the way I looked. And ultimately, I felt safe.

And the next day after we’d all crashed at my friend’s house, after the sun came up – that’s when I noticed his eyes were very blue. And I thought, oh my god, and I kind of knew.

We started a long distance relationship because I was in New York, and he was in North Carolina. I was in school at the time for Studio Composition. My professor David Gluck, during my private lesson, was fiddling around on the piano and played a really funky chord. We both stopped and thought, that’s a really cool chord. So his eyes lit up and he said that my assignment would be to write a song based on that chord.

As I was sitting in my room by my keyboard, trying to come up with a song, I started thinking of the blue eyed guy I was seeing once a month or so. And I started to get kind of scared. One of those fears that comes up when you know you may be starting something that will give you a glimpse into what a large part of your life may look like. One of those fears that comes up because you know you may be on the path that your heart may really get involved in. And when your heart gets involved, then that’s being vulnerable. And being vulnerable means you could get really hurt. And possibly getting hurt is icky, so sometimes it’s easier to run away before you can.

So I started to get scared and started thinking of all the what if scenarios, until my mind just kept going in circles and I made myself a little crazy. So I did what was best for me during times like these – I sat at my piano and started singing. And the melody and chords came out. And I started thinking that feeling, FEELING, is so much better that tucking your heart away out of fear, letting it collect dust. Being scared, and feeling tearful, living in a world of color is so much better than living in a gray world. Even if it’s putting yourself out there. And I realized that if I was going to put myself out there, then he was the right one to do it with. Because there was just something in his blue eyes that told me it was alright.

And the song was born :)

And finally I recorded a Lyric video for it, but to make it more interesting, I decided to record just the vocals live, so it would be different from the recording. The blue eyed guy helped me make it. And fyi, he does wear grown up clothes to work, (while my work style is still bohemian, though I’m technically a grown up now, and have been for a while :)). And if you go back into my journal entry from way back then, you’ll see a part of the Comtrex box taped into it. He might have found it odd back then, when I asked if I could have the box, or at least just a piece of it, but I think he gets it now 😉 And hey, it’s a special box with magical powers, it’s what drew me to mr blue eyes, otherwise known as Joseph 😉

So here it is, and I hope you like it <3 And share and like it if you do, after all, that’s the only way to get art out there into the world these days. Thanks for taking time out of your busy day for me, I appreciate it more than you know <3

Click here to download “Blue Eyes” mp3

Blue Eyes

At times when I’m sitting by myself like now
I start to feel a little scared, a little teary-eyed, unsure
My mind starts to run in circles and I start to wonder why
Why so suddenly my fears my tears my dear, what is the reason?

But then I find I have to question a contemplating mind
What would a world be without some fears, some tears, and my dear
A dusty heart trying to keep beating in a gray world, it’d be
All of this going on inside me’s got me going kinda crazy

Chorus:
But there’s something in your blues eyes, something in your blue eyes
I couldn’t run away if I tried, somehow I know that it’s alright
Cuz there’s something in your blue eyes, in your blue eyes

So when I’m sitting here by myself like now
And I start to feel a little scared, a little teary-eyed, unsure
I know it in my heart I feel this all because I care
Now in this world with no reason can you stop a heart from feeling?

Chorus