Song Portrait: Child In Me

For a FREE download go here: <3This song came about when one day I was driving in my car and I started to cry and I didn’t know why. I realized that I was suddenly emotionally and mentally transported back to my childhood. I was surprised because I thought I was over my issues that stemmed from it but I apparently wasn’t. “I guess there’s still a child in me, and the child in me still remembers.” I was on my own, emotionally since I was about a month old. I had caretakers but they were people I’d get attached to for a short period, but would be replaced by someone else and the cycle would repeat. So as you can see, I grew up with many fear and sadness issues. “I’d only ever known to breathe, just enough to be ok”, all I knew was the life I’d been living and I just kind of lived in my physical body without really feeling. I was reunited with my family maybe around age 6-9? I don’t quite remember a lot from that period of my life. Somewhere during all that I remember a babysitter I was attached to bringing me somewhere new and I was terrified of letting go of her hand because I felt I wouldn’t see her again. I didn’t. And when I first saw my parents, they were indeed strangers. However, before I was 10, I was able to live with my family again and my parents have taken care of me and my siblings better than I could ask for ever since. During the song I sing, “Did I run to you? Yes I did”, I was able to come to a point where I trusted my parents to go to them during a very difficult period in my life, and I view that as healing having taken place. Although I’ve had time to work through my hardships, sometimes I’ll still find myself gripped by fear, sadness, or feelings of emptiness more than an average person would feel. But then again, who’s average?I think that we always have a child in us no matter our age. This could mean that our childhoods sometimes never leave us, and it also means that we are always children in a sense that we are always learning. “I am but a child in a world with much yet to be revealed”. The world has so much to offer, so many lessons to present to us so we can grow, and that makes a child-like quality in someone something that can be cherished, if that someone is brave or aware enough to be so. “With my heart out and in comfort I will be filled with the years”. By letting myself be vulnerable and chipping away at the mask I so carefully built to hide myself, I will become whole, “and then the child in me can be at ease”.

I wrote the piano part to sound empty, using sixths and octaves, and the strings and other instruments were able to bring a dramatic feel to the song. Also, it may be hard to tell if you don’t listen carefully, but my mother is singing some operatic background vocals in the song. I thought it appropriate to have a parent in the song somehow, as it’s about my childhood, and my mother can sing so she was the likely candidate. I bring back the song in “Child In Me Reprise” the 12th track in my album. The melody of this one is actually the original melody I wrote for the song before it was rearranged.

“So I ask why this comfort I feel in tears?” I’d always felt home in sadness because that was the primary feeling I felt, but I can honestly say that I have learned to let happiness in and it’s no longer scary, unfamiliar territory. And should I ever meet you, I can say for sure that you will be greeted with a smile, and not a smile to mask my sadness, but a real, genuine smile <3

For a FREE download go here: <3