There’s a song in my head right now, a song in my heart right now. i just got back from the gym and wondrous things happen inside me when i’m on the elliptical or while i’m in the middle of a yoga class. i just got back and i’m a slightly sweaty mess so need a shower and i only had one egg for breakfast so am hungry, but i need to create this blog while i still have the notes dancing in my head.
There’s a song in my head right now but i will write that out later, hopefully. the creativity strikes here and there, but the following up on it is where the actual creation, the final product comes to be. sadly, many possible songs and blogs and videos have flown away from me before they could be materialized, but the good news is, there will always be more. while i drove home from the gym i heard this song in my head, and i kept feeding it. and since i was in the middle of a highway in my car, i grabbed my iPhone and hummed what i heard. (warning: this may cause dangerous situations where you’ll have to slam on your brakes to keep from crashing!!) although all the rolling, building drums, the instrumentation and the background vocals are singing in my brain, i can’t record onto my voice memos with just my lone single voice. but i can remember. and if it’s really something good i’m on to, i will remember.
i’ve been wondering what my next move should be. i always have this yearning inside my heart, to do something on a wider scale. to impact the living, loving souls in my environment somehow. i just don’t really know how. i feel small sometimes, like i’m this little person in this big world, trying, hoping to do something loving, something positive. but i don’t know how. I guess just getting to the next step will suffice. actually, it would make my day, make my entire year!
i joined this gym about a week ago. it’s the perfect gym, with a beautiful yoga studio with wood floors and soft lighting, a clean white environment everywhere else, and they sell organic raw juices! kinda like my idea of a paradise 😉 i realize that while doing something physical that’s good for me, i can tap into my spiritual, which in turn helps my emotional. especially with yoga, but also just being on the elliptical. and maybe, well actually, surely, this gym was brought to my attention a while ago by a friend, for a reason. like most things in our lives are brought to our attention for a reason. if we listen carefully, the right things are introduced to us, and hopefully we can all be aware enough to invite them in. and let it do its magic and lead us to the right situation, or people, or mindset.
the gym for me, is a very welcome addition to my life because it brings out my creativity. something i sometimes don’t tap into when i’m just sitting on my butt and feeling sorry for myself. and yes, when i look better (from working out), i definitely feel better, which makes me prone to DO more, create more, sing more… i also tend to do better with taking care of my body when it’s not just about the physical, but knowing it’s helping me in so many other ways. and yes, i admit i can be a very vain creature, so i don’t do videos when i feel fat and unattractive and like a couch potato. but maybe it’s more an insecurity thing. maybe i’m AFRAID of looking less than, because then maybe in my made up world i won’t be good enough. so no longer will my vanity (or insecurity!) be what stops me from making videos, especially if i’m taking care of myself! 😉
yesterday, i took a yoga class, and a third of the way into the class, the song “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt came on. i love that song 🙂 i just let myself believe i was being told that i’m beautiful, which is good because i’m very hard on myself, and have especially recently been trying to work on loving myself (and in turn, others) more. i guess that i can’t truly love others fully until i love myself fully and that’s been hard for me. i’m too critical of myself!! and that has got to stop and i’m determined that it will. SO… didya HEAR?? James BLUNT says i’m BEAUTIFUL!!! 😀 so it MUST be true!! haha, just kidding 😉 and it’s musically such a pretty song to me. i just like it! it touches some part of me, in a way that words can’t really explain. the definition of a good song, to me. AND i think i just got a sign from somewhere out there, in my inbox, one of the writers i love (Sark) is doing a course on self love, maybe i will take it 😉 Strange coinkydink that i got it just now… This really makes me believe even more that if you seek you shall find.
so maybe i can’t really do something that will ease the yearning in my heart until i can truly spread real LOVE out to my world. and i don’t know if i can really do that without really loving myself first. but i feel a burst of creativity right now so maybe it’s the gift or reward i’ve been given, from actively trying to love myself and others more. So i’m getting an ‘E’ for effort!! our efforts are always recognized, i think, so that we will be urged to go further, in the right direction. so now i must say, thank you, to yoga, to the elliptical, to green juice, to the gym, and to the Universe, for this song in my head, this song in my heart, that stirred all this gratitude and love within me <3