Dancing my way towards my dreams

pinot_noir

This glass of Pinot Noir is pleasant and organic. it initially swirls around your mouth quickly in a powerful burst of berry jam and oak, and then quickly leaves. i think i’m kind of liking it… and it for sure feels nice knowing i’m not inhaling pesticides 😉

It’s rainy outside, so very rainy. i was planning on going dress shopping today, but am afraid of getting nowhere with the possible flooding on the highway. so tomorrow it will have to be… more time for me to create what i want the dress to be in my head though – i tend to do that before i shop a lot. i want it to be sparkly and short with a tutu-like skirt… and i shall wear my very sparkly champagne colored Jimmy Choos with it of course! which will totally be inappropriate for the occasion, but that’s the least of my concerns for it is my (our) party, and i can do anything i please 😉

so what’s the dress for? as you may know if you’ve been reading my blog, i got married in november of last year. it was not one of those planned weddings where the bride plans forever and gets the perfect venue, cake, and dress. i’ve always personally thought i didn’t want to make such a fuss about one day when the most important thing is the actual marriage. plus, since i’ve been slightly marriage phobic a lot of my life, i think i would’ve had a nervous breakdown!! maybe it was more of an elopement? except it was in our living room. and it was perfect 🙂 so the dress is for the wedding party we never got to have, which will be the end of this month, 7 months later 🙂 but does that matter to me? noo! 🙂 i’ve never done anything in the traditional manner, and for me that’s fine, i like things being unexpected and different! following the book of life’s “instructions” is boring to me, and who exactly decided what everyone is “supposed” to do anyway?

pie_jesu

i will also be singing at my own wedding party which i guess isn’t very traditional, but when do i give up the opportunity to sing in front of people if i can? it’s what makes my world go ’round. it’s what makes my own heart happy, and hopefully the people listening will feel happy too 🙂 we will also be square dancing!! i’m looking forward to that 🙂 since Joseph is from the south, we figured we’d bring something southern to the celebration as well.

So, yes i was very scared to get married, which is why it took longer for me to get here than i thought. and the day after i got married i was still scared, and still unsure about whether i did the right thing or not. all i did know is that i was following what my heart was telling me, even if i didn’t quite know what was on the other side. i guess you never do though. but of course it’s a little more scary when you are making big life changes like this.

but my point is, 7 months later, i am in a good place. and i can see why i was lead to take the steps i took to get where i am now. i can see how i’m being taken care of, and how i’m being lead in the right direction, even when i sometimes feel like a lost little lamb. i can see that if i do follow my heart, i can’t really go wrong, though i’m sometimes scared. and i’m finally starting to gain some clarity, after a couple of difficult years of uncertainty. and oh does it feel liberating! i’m not quite there yet, but i’m getting there, closer and closer. and even if at the end of this month i’m still inching over to where i’m supposed to be, then at least i will be square dancing my way there, in a (hopefully) sparkly short dress with a tutu skirt, and my lovely, sparkly Jimmy Choos 😀

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