The thought i wake up with this morning is, “how do i regroup after such a soul fulfilling activity such as performing?”. but more importantly, “how do i gain and give as much as i can from it instead of letting it all fly away too quickly?”.
well, first things first, i must write in my journal or all of my attempts will be fruitless. i know this from past experience. i haven’t been able to write between rehearsal in the city and getting my butt to Long Island and spending the majority of my day there before the actual performance. and this is on top of various other things i’ve been doing. so i must let it all out so i can stop feeling overstuffed and congested with too many energies stuck inside of me.
i finish writing and decide to mull over everything that’s happened in the last 3 days in a bath. i shower and scrub myself before filling the tub with warm-hot water, and it is delicious! especially after i drop a bath bomb in it that leaves the water with a fragrance that is buttery and subtly sweet. because of my freshly scrubbed skin, the essential oils in the water cling to my skin and leave it silky and i feel luxurious! i click on a meditation track on my iphone and soak…and absorb…and dream. 5 minutes into it i get inspired to write this blog, and find sentences already forming in my head. i soak and write in my head for another 20 or so minutes and out of the tub i go, and eventually end up in my chair before my computer w an apple cider scented candle lit…
i haven’t REALLY performed in quite a long while, actually. maybe since before i made my album, if you don’t count little things here and there. that is a VERY long time. so as you can imagine, i was a little scared to just get up on a stage and do my thing after so long. my initial reaction was to just ignore the offer and pretend i couldn’t do it for some reason or another. but no, not this time. i’ve decided that i’m no longer going to avoid opportunities to do what my heart longs to do. so scared or not, i dove in. and i’d never played with this band before, we had only a 1.5 hr rehearsal the DAY BEFORE the performance, scheduled. but i chose to believe and charge forth. and i was so incredibly lucky. the band was amazing when i played with them. it was like they were just handed to me on a silver platter. and i’m grateful.
the day of the performance, there was a lot of waiting around for the show to actually start, and finally we all decided to grab a bite. we arrived back and i was told they’d switched the order and we were on in 5 mins. wow. yes, i was a little freaked. but as i walked onto the stage, i felt a calm take over me. this is what i love. this is the best i can give. i sang. and the band members played. and the energy was on a high spiritual plane and i knew we were delivering all we could. and that was confirmed with the encore. and i was fulfilled. and i thank the force out there that is helping me do what i love, and letting me give what i can.
so now, onto my next soul nourishing activity…to make a big pot of soup on this chilly day!