How To Get Through the Craziness of Planning a Wedding Party, Using Creativity! <3

rings

So, the final days before what is supposed to be one of the biggest days of my life! …and i’m stressing out 🙁  It’s the reception that goes with our impromptu but lovely marriage we had in our living room last november.  a celebration we are determined to have the most wonderful time at, regardless of what is going on.  but i have this knowing feeling it will be the most beautiful ceremony, and usually when i have a knowing feeling, it tends to turn out that way! 😉

one of the reasons among others i didn’t want an enormous celebration, was because i didn’t want to get stressed over the little details of trying to create something “perfectly perfect”, flawless, and ultimately not really me.  (for i am definitely not perfectly perfect, but perfectly imperfect, as Sark would say!)  i wanted to focus on what was important to me, and have the energy to enjoy our day.  however, we were thrown for a loop with some very unexpected disappointments in dealing with some family and it has been taking a toll on both of us.

it has caused us much stress and heartache, so much so that i nearly cancelled the entire thing twice. but i have come to the conclusion that we have the power to make it the best day regardless of the circumstances.  and i’ll say it again, WE HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE IT THE BEST DAY!  and this goes for every day of life, as well!

so last night, as i wrote a heartfelt but honest email to a new family member, i decided that as soon as i finished it, i would let all the hurt and anger just fly away, and focus on us, because that is what this day is supposed to be about.  and i will let the words of Dr Seuss comfort me, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”. i will also take what my older sister said to me about one of my headaches, “why don’t you focus not on the people that won’t be there, but the people that will be there?”  isn’t it strangely wonderful how the right words will come your way when you need them?

and i realize what important advice this is, because it’s true.  the people who will be there, we are so incredibly grateful for, and they are the ones that matter.  and the people who can’t legitimately make it to the event, we will miss them but we love them and appreciate them.  we also know they will be here in heart.  but those the closest to us who disregarded it completely and worse, threw fire at us RIGHT before the party for unrelated and unjustified things, that is what WAS difficult.  (notice the caps, i am moving on!! ;)) anyway, back to my point.  i am such a lucky girl to have such amazing family and friends who will be there.  every one of them is precious to us, and we are lucky to have them celebrate our day with us.

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It will be a celebratory day full of music, food, wine (my favorite!! ;)), square dancing, and love.  i still have a crazy number of things to do still, but i’m now enjoying the process.  and for some wonderful reason, i’ve found myself with an overwhelming amount of creative energy as well, and have been writing sporadically, while trying to rehearse some music, and trying to do a million other things including finding the perfect dress!  and luckily, after trekking through a ton of stores and nearly pulling my hair out, i found the perfect dress 🙂  i envisioned what i wanted in my head, i set out to hunt for it and hunt for it i did, and i found it

so yes, i am a lucky lady 😀  i have love, i have family, i have friends, i have music, i have writing.  and i want to especially thank music and writing right now, because i have been at my keyboard, singing, creating, for the past few days, and music has kept me company and brought light to my heart when i desperately needed it.  and writing, with it’s dependable ability to calm me down and bring me clarity, has done exactly that when i needed it.  so i thank the creativity angels out there for helping me out, once again <3

and now i think it may be finally time to celebrate!!  well at least in a few days it will be! 😉

<3

ps – i’m also lucky because now i have these adorable new emoticons that Joseph created for me, working nonstop for the past couple of days.  am i being showered with gifts, or what?? 😉

On Chasing Rainbows, and Happiness

I used to flip out and think something was drastically wrong with the path i was on, if i felt sad or confused. i used to think it meant i needed to change my whole life around, because sadness or confusion was a sign that something wasn’t right. and this was only several years ago. this is one of the reasons it took me a little while to get married. in my head i thought, i couldn’t possibly get married if i wasn’t happy all the time! but the question is, who the heck is happy ALL the time??

Eva_Cassidy-Songbird-Frontal

so i’m feeling a little blue today. sometimes when my sense of equilibrium is thrown off, i get that way. sometimes feeling a little blue will bring up in me all things that have made me blue in my past. and then i’ll take out my iPod and listen to a sad song and it will make me feel better. my past was made up of many sad songs that helped me cope. currently what’s making me feel better is “I Know You By Heart” sung by Eva Cassidy. her absolutely stunningly magnificently gorgeous voice, and the music, the beautiful music makes me REALLY know that i’m never alone in my sadness. i’m not the only one, i’m not the only one! In my head i know this, but when listening to something as otherworldly as music, then i FEEL the truth of this in my heart. how comforting is that?

happiness was relatively a new concept for me a little while back ago. i’d gotten used to sadness and felt comfortable in it. when you’re used to something and have lived your life in a certain way, sometimes it’s hard to get out of that place. well, i guess it’s because change is always scary and uncomfortable. it’s funny how the best things in life come after you decide to take that uncomfortable chance to see what is beyond. usually gifts and blessings you couldn’t have imagined before. so why not always take that leap? well, it’s HARD! and that’s ok 🙂 we’re all ok as long as we’re doing the best we can 🙂

Take_This_Waltz

i saw a movie a few months ago. called “Take This Waltz”, starring Michelle Williams (i’m in LOVE with her!!). somehow after watching it, it never left me. it just struck a chord. Michelle Williams encounters the sadness, or emptiness i mentioned above – the kind you can’t really escape because it’s just a part of life. in the movie she tries to escape it and finds she can’t. and the character played by Sarah Silverman says to her, “Life has a gap in it. It just does. You don’t go around trying to fill it like a lunatic”.

a moment of insight for me. i guess since i was mostly sad growing up, i wasn’t really familiar with the concept of happiness. i used to look at all the “happy” people and always be in awe of how they were always that way. and now that i’m in the “happy” category, i had to learn that it actually isn’t always that way. and that’s just the way it is. and it actually brings comfort to me knowing that, because i actually love sadness. i think it is beautiful.

Eva Cassidy’s “Over the Rainbow” playing on my iPod now. the most gorgeous version of the song i have ever heard. yes, maybe i have tasted a bit of life over the rainbow 🙂 the very land that i’d only heard of once in a lullaby. but i’ve come to discover that it’s not only bluebirds and fluffy clouds up there, it’s rain and probably more rainbow to climb. but really, how perfectly beautiful is that? <3